watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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