And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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