you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
