Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
