Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize