thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
