OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am available for nakedness
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
