I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
