I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
