How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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