Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize