Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
