There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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