I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we should paint friendship bongs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize