u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont even know how to be here
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
