He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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