Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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