you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
