nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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