you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
