sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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