My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
