Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
