you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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