oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
