hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
