it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she looked like the before picture.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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