i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
