For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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