you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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