i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
