she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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