How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
