We won't sleep together?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
