I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
