i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize