At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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