Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
