Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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