So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
