i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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