I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
