Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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