Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
