I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
