so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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