dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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