this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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