i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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