you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
