Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
