i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
