i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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