Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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