I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
