oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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