How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
