im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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