And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
