There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
