So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
