I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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