Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
