tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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