I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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