Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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