I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
