too bad you live with your parents still
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
