Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
