I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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